braincell soup

In most cases when depression begins battering at the walls of your sanity one can usually have some sort of idea where the monster is coming from, which makes fighting it back a little easier. If there is a scale for depression then I would think that kind is pretty well near the top.

However there is a type of depression that has no boundaries, has no direction. It seems to roll in like some dense fog and seep into every part of your being.Physically you feel totally drained with no desire to do anything beyond those things necessary for life – like breathing. Mentally it attaches itself to every neuron and synapse sucking the very energy like some kind of vampire.

It is this kind of depression that has no defined beginning or no borders of where it ends removing any chance of at least being able to crawl in that direction to break through.

During this time everything piles up, you can never seem to get a handle on where to start the things you know need to get done. The pile grows higher and more formidable creating its own cumulative effect on your depression. Right now I am so far behind in things that need to get done that even the slightest effort to start is tinged with a sense of failure.

I know that just as quickly as this wave of depression has swept over my life it will recede it is just a matter of trying to believe there is a top up there somewhere. In the meantime I look to my music and my loving wife, who shares her hugs at the drop of a hat, to make sure I don’t start seeing the bottom.